If that was your dad, he is hot
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
