He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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