we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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