So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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