You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize