are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize