i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
