We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
