he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
This show inspires me to have sex in space
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
