Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
