you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Randomize
