I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
