I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Panties = found
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
