Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize