I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
