Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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