My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
