This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
