Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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