bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
