just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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