whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize