my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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