i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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