Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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