Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
