i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I will be naked everywhere
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize