when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
