it wasn't lemon gatorade
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
40s are totally the cure
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
