Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
