last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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