we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
