My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
