I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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