I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
