8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
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