If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
