Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
