What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
