I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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