Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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