I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
