Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
