When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
