That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
