Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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