I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
