nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
