ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
