My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
