margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
she woke up with a sticky ear
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
