I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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