They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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