You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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