Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
