I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
