I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
