i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
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