...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
do herpes really smell.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Randomize
