i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
