I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
