I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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