Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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