dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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