I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
