I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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