I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Randomize
