She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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