i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
