I don't usually arrange sex via text message
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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