I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
