Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
