My cat gives me a boner
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
