I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
