She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
