I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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