Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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