i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Randomize
